once when i was about 12 or 13, we (a couple friends and i) came across the raddest tarantula ever, all grey-and-black and HUGE to me at the time. we, for reasons i still can't explain, proceeded to crush it with rocks.
this event haunts me still. i'll sit for many long minutes wondering what could have caused such a response. it wasn't threatening in the least. i never harmed another animal (unprovoked) after that, until a few years ago i broke my roommates nose. he was yelling at me in front of a bunch of people about the cat situation (i was trying to find homes for two litters of kittens and it was admittedly getting out of hand) and when i'd had enough, i drew a line. he flagrantly crossed it and got into my face, towering over me and something erupted inside me and i just proceeded to pummel him until several people pulled me off of him. more-so than the spider, this event often keeps me awake at nights.
where do these destructive impulses come from? i'm a pretty mellow guy, real hard to piss off. i may not always be a gentleman, but i'm usually a very gentle man. thank god for punk rock. who knows what kind of damage i might have done to myself and others without the catharsis of hardcore?
i have a deep well of rage within me, which i can usually channel into something positive. Frustration breeds change, after all, and Anger is a gift. Now if i only had the outlet i used to have... who wants to start a hardcore band with me? I wanna scream my throat raw.
here's some old shit from The Prodigal Heresy, my old band. yes, it's ugly. yes, it's in your face. yes it's vitriolic and bile-filled. and yes, it was beautiful. check the link if you wanna hear it.
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It's Gonna be a harsh winter
as aries rises in the night sky, growing closer waxing full, the god of war paints our souls
the fires rage the mountains shake another tyrant has his way
the god of war prepares for the feast
pain is looming on the horizon
this ain't no age of aquarius look at the size of that damn star
the god of war raises his flag
blood is the wine of armageddon
kings toast each other across the battlefield
the god of war draws his sword
you who fly your flag so high, your prideful phallus in the sky: is it your only crutch? what about that cross around your neck?
when jesus said love your enemies he probably meant don't kill them you hypocrite.
(note: the title and song were both inspired by the nearness of mars that autumn. that, coupled with the death of my brother a month previous seemed like the worst of omens. i was right. that winter was tragic, a haze of alcohol and blood and vomit.)
The Legions of Hell (RIDE!)
RIDE!
Riding before the wings of fate, the sky is parting like the red sea
angel of death show no mercy
the sea shall run red with the blood of the flock
beware, they ride
giddyup, giddyup, giddyup, giddyup!
the legions of hell riding uranium gifts from god
plutonium caravans to the apocalypse
this is not the last time life will choke itself out
this is not the last time...
we have sought to become as gods
claiming mastery over life and death
every breath is a step closer to the end
I am the cause of your demise, I am Karma's vessel
dear your honor, the monuments you've built are marked for demolition. we will destroy everything you've erected, we'll light a torch and defile all that you stand for; when we're at your gates it's a witch hunt it's a witch hunt
you destroy everything beautiful without remorse. till the earth and sow your salt above the graves of the innocent
evil or strange, the differentiations you hold within your heart are like a chasm. "kill all that is not understood kill all that is not understood kill all that is not understood", you quench your self-righteous thirst with blood. one day you'll choke and we'll be there to watch you die. hide your face in shame as we're burning down your gates
it's your turn at the stake. we will piss in your ashes reverend.
The Eternal Death Sentinel
listen children
1 2 3 4 5th upon a time
a sailor's death at sea is the best we can hope for
the winds show no mercy and the end is but a heartbeat away
while you were waiting for the next change of wind
your mainsail has been broken
your crow's nest is no more
and you are taken by surprise.
the oars of time have caught up;
this is the salty taste of inevitability.
the missed opportunities and almost-maybes
are the anchors dragging you to the bottom.
the eternal death sentinel awaits your homecoming.
hold each moment like it's your last.
you'll wash up on the rocks (of) hades forsaken shores;
stranded in the afterlife without a compass.
you are lost because of your hesitation.
your lack of dedication to the rest of creation
will drown you in your own self-pity.
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dang, now i'm kinda getting all nostalgic.
yeah, i had a lot to be pissed about. i still have a lot to be pissed about. all this reflection on the nature of violence and anger comes from reading the news. i've been loosely following the rhetoric surrounding the Islamic Cultural Center (note: it's NOT a fucking MOSQUE. it will be a community center with an INTERFAITH praying room) and can't help but find a lot of fodder for good hardcore in it. we had a few other songs, but these are the ones you can hear right now. if i ever feel like posting the rest of them to myspace, i might post the lyrics here at the same time.
or, if you'd like, i can make you a CD or e-mail you a zip-file or something similar. wish you could see the poster Kristina Colantes made for "In Case of an Emergency, Use This Song as a Flotation Device". that one was about the New Orleans situation after hurricane Katrina. In other news, Kristina has recently done work for The Flaming Lips, so that's pretty fucking cool. catch-phrase for that song was "keep your head up."
them's words to live by.
RAGE!!!!!
xFx
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